They way I see it, #1

I think that it is the utmost pinnacle of beauty to have the skin of a dark leopard, yet It seems like no matter how often it is that I go tanning I can’t quite ever achieve that deep dark tone I desire. I much prefer that it be a brown, similar to that of dirt, and once I do achieve such a feat I will lie upon the dusty brown earth and be invisible. Such a thing as I did today. You see I daily compare my skin to objects of the shade I desire, which requires I lie upon the floor and gage my color based on the reactions of others, as that it is most uncommon for a woman of my stature and social level to lay upon a bare floor, mostly one would use a mat of sorts. Even still I often lie atop an occasional pile of mud, whence I come upon them, and if I receive a bizarre glance I know that I have not yet become dark enough.

Today, however, as I began to lie down it took very long before I was noticed. As if I had become nothing more than the floor which I lied upon. Only when a young boy tripped across my forehead did anyone notice me and then it was not quite myself which they were caring after (for it did hurt reasonably so). No they were tending to the child, whom had injured his knee. Though I know that he will be OK, after all it isn't very often you hear of one suffering a stroke from a scraped knee. Yet; despite my distaste for the major lack of concern for my condition, I was pleased to see that finally I am the color I so desire, and deep dark dirt brown skin tone. Beautiful. Seeing this I popped up off the floor and walked away never to return to the spot (since I had no use of it any longer).

The Best Part of Waking Up

The Best Part of Waking Up

On 4/5/10 Liz Cook and Rachael Scharett decided to write a novella. Each took turns writing a sentence without discussing the subject before or during the writing. Liz wrote the first sentence, then Rachael wrote the second, and so on…this is the outcome.

Many People drink coffee…but few drink coffee just to die.

Cecelia Flounderson was determined to change this fact.

Cecelia was a swarthy man, but hid beneath his glistening skin, rippling muscles and perfectly proportioned body a gentle soul.

Compassion was one of his best qualities and thus he knew that for some people, the best part of waking up was not waking up.

One day, as he casual sipped his morning cup of Absolut, Cecelia decided it was time.

The world was becoming over run with small children so he heroically devised a plan to single handedly solve overpopulation.

“What,” he wondered, “could I devise to enter the home of every American family and gently summon the Death Angel?”

Then, like a frosting covered midget stripper from a cake, an idea of pure genius popped up in his brain.

Uncle Wanda, who currently resided under Brad Pitt’s diving board for “journalistic reasons,” had all the connections Cecelia needed.

He pointed out to his nephew that there was one delight everyone, including the bod-god Mr. Pitt himself, partook of daily. In a resonating voice as rich and deep as music from a Bose radio, he spoke: “COFFEE.”

It seemed to be shear brilliance that what some considered “the nectar of the gods” would soon become the Jeffery Dahmer of the earth; eating at the insides of people young and old.

He could have wept at the beauty of it.

Cecelia and his dear Uncle Wanda went straight to work creating a mystical coffee additive that would be undetectable yet lethal.

Aside from brief journalistic investigations of Hugh Laurie and Liza Minelli, only one of which involved loss of limb, their research progressed smoothly.

Within, a fortnight their death elixir was complete and they began to lay out lans to sneak it into the local Starbucks supply.

Unfortunately for the luscious Cecelia and his deep, crystalline blue eyes and bulging biceps, but fortunately for the world, Angelina Jolie shot them dead with a bow and arrow on live television.

But, alas, the potion had already been added to coffee supplies worldwide and as Angelina tried to explain this to the television audience the writers of this story began to desire a delicious barbeque down by the pond of their apartment complex so they decided to use a run on sentence to inform the reader that the world did drink the tainted coffee however the potion turned out to be flawed and everyone was transformed into vampire bunny rabbits, forever.

The End

I Make Plans Not Resolutions

All too often people start out the new year by making a series of meaningless resolutions that are almost always failed at within a few weeks. Thus I am going to be making PLANS. definite. decided. Actual things That I will accomplish along with deadlines for their completion.

1 Lose 10 pounds by my birthday.... February 5th

2. Be able to run a 6 minute mile... July 1st

3. Create a truly hilarious viral video... Feb. 28th

4. Survive Air Force Boot Camp... whenever they send me (estimated in April)

5. Make one video per week.

6. Find a Job... January 16

7. Plan and execute an elaborate prank... March 2nd

So other than learning to whistle each part of Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody and teaching myself to do a back walk over, These are my plans for 2010... les see what I can actually accomplish!!

wish me luck, yes?!

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disappointment.

Yesterday, I bought an Avocado the size of a football. It was $1.50 at a flea market. Presumably, this Avocado was grown in someones back yard; never-the-less, due to its grandure I purchased it.

Today I used said Avocado to make Guacamole. I blended in onion, garlick, lemon juice and a pinch of salt. This Guacamole looked and smelled as though it had been delivered to me by a Mexican angel straight from heaven.

After making this cornucopia of pure deliciousness, I portioned out a serving of it and organized it in a tantalizing manner amidst the confines of a large cereal bowl. I continued to clean the kitchen so that upon finishing my tasks I might be able to sit and enjoy my tasty treat, without care or concern regarding whether the kitchen would need to be cleaned upon the completion of the dish.

Finally, I stood back and glanced over the kitchen once more to reassure myself that all that was required of me had been completed, and it had.

It was as I gently lifted the freshly made snack from the counter to carry into the dining room that I realized it, I had no tortilla chips.

And so I ask you, what good is Guacamole without tortilla chips?

disappointment.

♥uʍop ǝpısdn♥

Oooo! So YouTube is upside down today for April fools day and I’m not quite sure why but I am soo pleased by this!!! I have this strange obsession with things being out of place or in the wrong order… perhaps its reserves OCD. The only exception is with DVDs or CDs… those must always be kept neatly stacked in alphabetical order… for some reason I am deeply bothered by out of order DVDs.

There’s really no point what so ever to this blog other than to talk about youtube’s upsidedownness =] I’ve been listening to The Format a lot lately… You should listen too, they will deliver sweet melodies to your ears that are inexplicably joyous!

It’s 4:30am… I drank a buttload of coffee… 8D

Oooo.... pic is from Dailybooth.... **ImObsessed**

The First Time

Yesterday I watched 30 Rock for the first time. I absolutely LOVED it. Seriously massive lulz were had during that show! 

Right now I'm listening to The Mars Volta for the first time. I really like what I'm hearing.

Today I was hired at McDonald's...for the first time. 

In December I tried soy milk for the first time!

I'm living in my sisters basement for the first time.

I'm working on a stop motion video for the first time, but my camera just died (not the first time)

I didn't wear eyeshadow today for the first time.

Last week I got my hair cut at an actual salon for the first time.

I went on a first date yesterday...(we planned a 2nd!)

Summer of 2006 I drank coffee for the first time.

Feb.9th I drove across the country...alone...for the first time.

Dec. 2008 I went to London for the first time.

July 2008 I had a boyfriend for the first time.

August 2008 I broke up with him...for my first break up.

2004 I went to Destiny America for the first time.

When I was 4 I went to Disney World for the first time... I don't remember that trip.

Nov. 2008 I watched SNL for the first time.

Nov. 19th I made my first YouTube video...it was a children's story about a turtle being murdered.

Last weekend I lied to my parents for the first time, I got caught.

July 3, 2004 I had a job for the first time.

I need to clean my room... not the first time!